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When tomorrow never comes…

fear

Sometimes late at night like this one I stay up awake and try to think things through about all the stuff I have done and intended to do in my life are they worth it and would I regret if I didn’t do the ones I wanted to do, but couldn’t because I was scared of the outcome or not ready to face the truth which usually hurts. Just tonight I sit and think what if I don’t wake up tomorrow,what if something happens to the people I love,what if I die without solving issues I had with one of my friends and they stay with the guilt,what about that thing last summer and never told the truth which means Mark is the one being haunted everyone thinking he is the one who did it yet it’s all me…..There’s a lot crossing my mind at this point and all my mind could say is we only live once, we are never sure of tomorrow,and that’s why we have to live each day to the fullest of our capability.

I lay awake thinking of you, and all I can think of is everything that I want to tell you but I haven’t not because I can’t but because they won’t make any sense to you.. you came in my life like a thief and left like a lightening,even before i realized you were there all this time. I saw you the 1st night and I knew I had seen what will complete me,for the rest of my life. I kept coming to same place where i first saw you not because i liked the place, hope was my main reason that made me revisit the place often. I was hoping to see you,sited there chit chatting with your friends. I would sit on the other end and just watch you as you smiled laughed and seemed to have your life all figured out.

Now i lie on my bed thinking what if tomorrow never came,would you still know what i feel for you, would you know that i have always loved you and have never stopped thinking of you. i lost you once now i am even scared to talk to you, i feel you will disappear from my life completely. what if tomorrow came and still i can’t gather the courage to let you know how i feel,the time i get the guts to speak to you it happens to be too late. we always one shot in this life,there’s no room for doubts and regrets we all have one golden chance and we have to do all that makes us feel accomplished.

All I wanna say is, I love her i am tired of sitting over the corner watching you kiss him as i am sited here feeling sorry to myself, I know I was messed up and that’s part of the reason why you left me. I wanna love you the way you deserve and nothing will hold me down to do so. i will shout to the top of my lungs and let you know I still love you. we have one chance in this life and we need to make the most out of it, we can never count on tomorrow because it’s now that we have, we can never be sure of the ext moment rather than hope we get there but that shouldn’t stop us from going after what we really want love and cherish.

To my one and only Lady that i can never stop loving, I might never been the perfect match i was messed up when we met, I might not have treated you right, I was scared of loosing you which made me question almost everything i did that was related to you.. I felt everything I did wasn’t good enough. I loved you before i told you I love you, I loved you when you said you were leaving and i still love you now that your gone.

If I let you go

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No body knows I’ve been hiding it inside all this time. I keep searching but I can’t find a way to let you know , I’ve never felt this kind of love before in my life. Days have passed,weeks and months too but still I can’t let you out of my mind even after all this time that has passed and once again I’m thinking of the easy way out. They say holding on makes us strong while in reality letting go does, I wanna be strong for you my princess and whichever the case that’s what I’ll do. but if I let you go how will I ever know what my life would be by having you close to me. Will I ever hear you saying I love you too or see you smiling back at me. It’s such a shame we are worlds apart, because there’s no one who speaks to my heart like you do, for nights I hope that I will wake up in the morning hoping this feelings would have fade away. Yet I’m to proud to lose and to shy to ask,sooner than later I have to choose and yet once again I’m thinking of taking the easy way out. Now I clearly understand holding is believing in there’s only the past and letting go is knowing there’s a future. A future to be with her the one that I love maybe when she realizes that I am the one, a future with that one who’s been waiting for us all this entire time while we’ve been having our hearts soiled or had other people’s heart broken that’s what makes us strong knowing, hoping and trusting in the choices we make. It’s time to let go though I would never know how it would have felt to hold you close to me and see you smile back at me. I must say this how sweet is to love and to be in love.

we just have to remember: letting go is not easy but holding on is difficult too, yet strength is not measured by holding on yet rather by letting go.   Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness  BY ;THICH NHAT HANH

LETTER TO ME

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Dear younger me,

where do I even start, if I get to tell you of all the things I have learned so far then you could be a step ahead of all the painful memories still running through my head I wonder how much different things will be, dear younger me.

Dear younger me,

I cannot seem to decide whether to give a speech, or just write you a letter on how to make the best out of life or should I go deep and try to change the choices which yo took because they are the ones that made me. Even though I love this crazy feeling that I am having sometimes I wish it never existed in me because sometimes I wish for a smoother ride. If I knew then what I know now I would have done things different but I wouldn’t have learn t

In life we have to make mistakes for learning to take place, we have to fail so that we can raise, we need to try so that we can know the outcome. It never matter what other people think or say do you and be you any time any where. Remember it doesn’t matter how much you’ve tried , you success is what that counts.

Dear younger me, It’s never your fault that she left, and don’t blame yourself. just know this, people come and go and only those who believe in you stay, as much as we influence who stay,there’s always a choice to stay and decide to give a try without giving up. Never give up in whatever you believe in as long as the course is true and pure.

yours sincerely,

ME

SHE’S ALL I SEE

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She’s all I look for each time I go online, she’s all i see even without knowing it. I don’t know the name of this disease though heard someone calling it Love,if that’s the case then I love her and I am in love with her. Each time I see her online I feel like saying something to her but I can’t seem to figure out what exactly i wanna share with her, that kills me each time I can’t manage to gather my guts to app her.

Does she even know that I’m struggling this much to impress her yet I haven’t done even small thing to show the same,you are all I see and Look for without knowing. When you are offline I get so eager waiting for you to come online, just like a kid who’s been bought for a new clothe and can’t wait to be inside .

I have spent lot’s of time in the bush and now I can’t seem to be able to get out of my comfort zone but today I’ll try and let her know this, I love her and i just need her to take me in deep into her marvelous heart for mine is already full of her and will keep hosting her till when I can’t no more.

They say it’s in our head that I agree but when it comes to love it does bends the rule a bit,that’s why, I have loved her and reached a point of giving up and tried something new with another person but I end up looking for her in that person and this hurts the other person because they can’t be what you looking for. That’s why I have stopped looking else where rather only in your direction.

My dear, yet to be LOVER, I have nothing much to give or tell you so that you can change your mind,attitude and make you love me. All I’m giving you now is my true heart and honesty I can’t assume the fact that I’m in love with you and can’t stop enjoying the feeling while it last so I’m gonna keep loving you till when I can’t no more and that will be make me happy knowing I loved you to the greatest of my ability. You’re all I see now and all I need to see.  How can I find you without loosing you

 

O.M.C.H

 heart


I wish things were different oh my clumsy heart, I know things are hard on you and you feeling lost and confused. If I knew this would have been the outcome I would have warned you my dear heart. That’s what it means to love and loving is what you do best  sweet heart, she brought this and another she will take it and make you feel that sweet loving caring feeling you ones felt, but until then she’s the one you’ll know and continue loving.

Remember to breathe o.m.c.h I know you think she’s bad but let me correct you today you only hate the fact she’s not with you and might be with someone else knowing clearly you could treat her better. I know you still love her and it’s hard to stop because your heart is like that of a woman when she loves she does love for real.

Stop crying oh my clumsy heart and rejoice instead because she loves you and she will realize that soon enough been you know it. we might be disappointed and feel sad but that’s never the end of the story because the story only ends when we decide it ends.

Keep loving my dear clumsy heart and let her know she’s blessed and worth your time attention, affection,care ,respect,and love. So stop crying  my dear clumsy heart and take courage to fight the war for what you believe in and know it’s in pursuit of your happiness and I know she’s the one

She the type of a lady…

Yeah your right, I know what your thinking it’s just a crush and twill fade with time, maybe you are right or may be I’m wrong which is which all I know is she’s that type of a lady.. why are you being so judgmental thought we only live ones. I know it sounds weird saying I love my crush,because we all know how crush come about and it’s mostly related to infatuation. It’s said it takes an ordinary normal human being 4minutes to decide they like someone, I’m almost convinced loving someone is a personal decision and it’s more than just emotional feelings that we experience,which makes our hearts to skip abit. 

In my school of thought I would say love comprises of three elements 

Acceptance 

Understanding 

Appreciation 

Take either of them and for sure you don’t love that person. I have accepted her for who she is, I appreciate her and understand her the way she deserves. Well that convinces me that I’m in love with my crush.” She’s the kind of lady that any person will learn to write poetry for” guess that explains what kind of person she is. The first time I saw her I only liked her beauty smile and cute sexy eyes she’s blessed with then I got to know her and I loved her mind,and most of the things about her. 

Yet with how much I feel for her, she doesn’t happen to know a thing. Hope she gets to learn about this when the time is right in case their will be any. 

Dear Crush,

I’m writing you this later a happy yet still loney person,you did bring a sweet feeling in my heart. When I first met you gave me the reason to like you and when you let me know you, you made me understand why I should love you and appreciate you the way you are now I’m in love with you yet I can’t be with you, I hope for that one day when I’ll be able to be with you.